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Natasha Moore is a social worker, clinician, author + founder of Empowered Healing and Wellness Counseling who is passionate about helping others heal from trauma. After surviving sexual assault, domestic violence, relationship betrayal + chronic illness, she began recognizing how people-pleasing, fawning + self-abandonment had become ways of surviving. Read on to learn how she is breaking the cycle of "nice girl" conditioning + creating a legacy of empowerment, self-trust + courage for herself, her daughter + the generations to come.
How do you define a "Cycle Breaker?"
A cycle breaker is someone who becomes self-aware of the unhelpful beliefs and behaviors, that she inherited, or learned through adverse experiences, and intentionally chooses to unlearn these patterns to do something different.
What adversities or experiences have you lived through?
My journey has been filled with really challenging experiences. I am a survivor of sexual assault and domestic violence. As a young woman, my sense of self and safety were completed eroded; I spent the next 7 years with an abusive partner, and experienced relationship betrayals. I've also navigated chronic illness of stage 4 endometriosis, and a very difficult fertility journey. I am also so incredibly grateful for my IVF journey because we have a wonderful 5 year old daughter.
What is a cycle, belief or pattern you’ve worked to break or challenge in your life?
I've worked to break-free from nice girl conditioning: the cycle, beliefs and patterns that accompanies. For a long time, I simply thought being a nice girl was part of my personality. I didn't realize that people-pleasing, fawning and self-abandonment were adaptive responses to the adversities I had experienced.
Breaking deeply ingrained patterns are incredibly difficult because I came to understand that this story runs much deeper than me. I come from a long lineage of women who were conditioned to be nice, and as a Black woman that conditioning is connected to a much longer history of oppression, survival, and expectations placed on Black women to be strong, self-sacrificing, accommodating, and resilient. Being a cycle breaker means: recognizing what I inherited, learned, and adapted to survive. Then deciding what I want to pass on, and what ends with me.
What helped you begin healing, growing, or changing that cycle?
I began reading extensively during the latter part of my relationship in 2009. I initially read Inside the Minds of Angry and Abusive Men because I was trying to understand my partner, and what I was experiencing.
After I left my abusive partner, my reading continued, but the focus changed. I read The Nice Girl Syndrome, Emotional Abuse in Relationships, Loving Him Without Losing you, and I Never Called It Rape in search of a deeper understanding of myself, my experiences, and my patterns.
I started developing a self-care routine, obtained my masters of social work, completed my clinical internship, and connected with like-minded and empowered women who were also invested in prioritizing themselves.
Feeling safe also became an important part of my healing. I began building boundaries within my inner circle, which helped me feel safer in my relationships and in my own life. Then, having my daughter deepened my desire to continue breaking cycles to create a different foundation for the next generation.
Eventually, I decided to pursue EMDR, not only as a clinician to help others heal, but as part of my own personal healing journey. That experience deepened my understanding of trauma, safety, and what it means to rebuild trust within myself.
What are your proudest accomplishments?
I’m proud of the life I’ve built, and the person I’ve become even after everything I’ve experienced. I believe my decision to empower myself after the adverse experiences changed the trajectory of my life. I honor the younger version of myself, and the perseverance she had to move forward.
I’m writing my first traditionally published book, The Empowered Nice Girl: Break Free from Fawning and People-Pleasing to Rebuild Self-Trust. The book brings together so much of what I’ve learned through my personal healing and professional work.
Building my private practice, Empowered Healing and Wellness Counseling, PLLC, and nearly 20 years of work in social work, mental and behavioral health supporting children, adolescents, women, and families through trauma experiences.
Pursuing EMDR therapy and continuing to grow both personally and professionally.
I’m not only breaking cycles for myself. I’m intentionally creating a different legacy for my daughter.Without knowing it, she has helped me become my most courageous self.
Is there a message, quote, lesson, or reminder you’d like to share with others who may be struggling along their healing journey?
"And, Still I Rise"- Maya Angelou. What I’ve learned throughout my own healing is that what happened to you can leave marks, but they don't determine your worth, your future, or the beauty of who you become. You can be bruised and still heal. You can carry a complicated story, and still create something beautiful from it. You can survive things that change you without allowing them to define you. Sometimes the very places where we were hurt become the places where we learn our strength, reclaim ourselves, and create a different story for the generations that come after us.
Do you have any projects you're working on that you'd like to highlight?
I’m writing my first traditionally published book, The Empowered Nice Girl: Break Free from Fawning and People-Pleasing to Rebuild Self-Trust. The book brings together so much of what I’ve learned through my personal healing and professional work.
Connect with Natasha:
- Instagram: @iam_natashamoore